What Could Have Been
by Sunny2
Summary: What if Hyde hadn't been able to forgive Jackie in Babe I'm Gonna Leave You? Find out.
1. Prologue

Title: What Could Have Been  
Prologue  
  
Disclaimer: Nope don't own a thing. I think that's pretty understood.  
  
Author's Note: This isn't really the story. It's just setting the stage. I'll have part one up tonight so everyone come back.   
  
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"I'm not saying it back!"  
  
"I don't care."  
  
The words had been spoken, and there was no going back. Jackie squared her shoulders and waited for Hyde to speak again. He obviously was struggling with himself over what to do. She'd heard the confusion and pain in his voice when he'd cursed and turned away from her. She prayed that the part of him that cared for her won over his pride.  
  
He was looking at her again. Searching for something it seemed. Jackie stared back unwavering and unflinching. Time seemed to stop as two pair of eyes burned into each other. Minutes, hours, even days could have passed for all Jackie knew. All that mattered was getting Steven to realize that what they had was too precious to just throw away over one simple mistake.   
  
Hyde's eyes closed, and his hands ran through his hair tugging slightly on the ends. Jackie took a small step forward and reached out her arm to touch his hand. Suddenly Hyde's eyes flew open, and he yanked his arm out of her reach. Jackie's heart sank slowly at the cool uncaring look in his eyes. She seen that look many times from him. It was his Zen look. The one he'd taught her so long ago in this exact spot.   
  
"Well than I guess it's real waste."  
  
Jackie recoiled as if being slapped. She'd really thought that if Hyde knew how strong her feelings were, if he knew that she truly loved him, then he'd fight for them. Fight for what they could be.  
  
"Steven didn't you listen to a word I said?"  
  
"It doesn't matter. I'm over this whole relationship thing."  
  
Tears of frustration sprung to Jackie's eyes. He was closing up again. Retreating to his safe and enclosed wall. Refusing to give up just yet, Jackie closed the distance between them with a couple quick steps. She grasped his hands tightly hoping he could feel the love in them and see the love in her eyes.   
  
"Steven don't do this. Don't let your pride and stubbornness ruin what we have. I know we can make this work. You just have to..."  
  
Her words were interrupted by Hyde's hands shoving hers aside. A small smirk formed at the corner of his lips, and Jackie prepared herself for the onslaught of words to come.  
  
"You know Jackie, I don't think you're the one who's listening. Now get this through your Kelso obsessed head. WE ARE DONE."  
  
Tears streaming down her face, Jackie took one last look into Hyde's eyes praying to see a glimmer of her Steven. The one who shaved his beard for her. The one who wore a tie and blazer for her. The one who took her to the Girl Scout Alumni Pancake Breakfast.   
  
After a few moments, she realized that her Steven was gone. She'd killed him with four simple words. Gasping for air she turned and sprinted for the door letting it slam on her way out.   
  
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	2. Chapter One

Title: What Could Have Been  
Chapter 1  
  
Author's note: Okay I'm trying to blend the sitcom style humor that we get from the show and the deep angst we get from fanfiction. So not all the characters will be totally in character all of the time, but hey its a story so let's all just go with it. It's a tricky business writing fanfiction I'm discovering. Deep respect for everyone out there that manages to do it well.  
  
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One Week Later  
  
"And then Nina took me back to the car, and we made beautiful sweet love. It was magical and special."  
  
Donna and Eric exchanged glances each questioning who would take this one. Finally Eric caved and turned to face his smirking friend.  
  
"Fez we know what happened on Valentine's Day and that ain't it. We know this because you came over here to moan about your 'needs.'"  
  
Fez glared at Eric for a few moments before contrition fell on his face. "Oh Eric you are right. I did not become a man that night. I am still nothing but an untapped boy waiting to be shown the light."   
  
Donna moved her hand to hide the smile that formed on her face. Sometimes Fez was too much. "Don't worry Fez. It'll happen when you're ready."  
  
"Ready?" Fez exclaimed outraged. "I have been ready for years. All that time I've spent practicing at home wasted for nothing." Fez moped for a few moments before a smile appeared on his face. "I did get to touch her bountiful balloons though. Shall I tell you about them?"  
  
Eric groaned and Donna rolled her eyes. "NO," they both shouted.   
  
It had been like this all week. Fez wouldn't stop talking about his night with Nina and embellishing on it at every chance. It seemed like he hadn't stopped talking in days. It might have been because nobody else was really talking much since that night.   
  
Kelso was moping around because Annette had gone back to California. She'd been upset when Kelso wanted to leave the dance to go pick up Jackie. Accusing him of still having feelings for the brunette, she'd left the dance in a huff and flown out the following day. Donna was glad to see her gone as it meant she once again was able to use her bathroom.   
  
Hyde had been acting, well, like Hyde. He was sarcastic, flippant, aloof and distant. Nothing about Hyde had changed. Both Donna and Eric agreed it was very odd.   
  
As for Jackie neither of them knew how she was doing because nobody had seen her since Valentine's Day. It was becoming increasingly obvious who had done most of the talking in their small group.   
  
  
Meanwhile Fez was undaunted by their apparent lack of interest in his love life. "Nina let me play with her coconuts for a whole ten minutes this time before slapping me away. And I owe it all to the Valentine dance."  
  
Eric raised is eyebrows quizzically. "How do you see that Fez?"  
  
"Oh Eric it is obvious. Nina was obviously overcome with love from the romantic gym and the very berry punch." Fez sighed dreamily. "It was such a magical night."  
  
Donna shook her head with amusement. Turning to Eric, she voiced some of the concerns she'd been thinking about all week. "It was a nice dance. It's such a shame Jackie didn't get to see any of her hard work. Well, she put a lot of time into organizing it, she didn't really do much of the work or any of the work come to think of it."  
  
"Well of course she couldn't do any work. She was too busy yelling at her boyfriend, KELSO."  
  
Donna frowned. "Eric that's not fair. You know Jackie was upset about what happened."  
  
"Right," Eric scoffed. "I'm sure she was upset as Hyde. I mean that makes sense considering she was the one who shouted out 'get off my boyfriend.'"  
  
"Well Hyde certainly doesn't look upset these days. He's been acting almost happy for Hyde, all sarcastic and whatever. It's like that time he smeared the cheese in your seat and let it stink up the car for a week."  
  
"Donna that doesn't mean," Eric broke off from his train of thought. "He did what do my car? I remember that. I was called 'Cheesy' for a month at school and Red made me wash and detail all the cars to teach me about responsibility and driving."  
  
Fez put up his hand in objection. "We did not call you 'Cheesy' for a month. No it was more like two months."  
  
"Hey!" Eric exclaimed.  
  
"You guys," Donna interrupted. "I'm trying to talk about something serious here."  
  
Eric and Fez both bowed their heads in shame. With mumbled apologizes, Donna continued.  
  
"I'm just starting to get worried about Jackie. I haven't seen her all week. She doesn't come over here at all anymore. Heck even when she broke up with Kelso she was here the very next day. She doesn't take my phone calls, and there was no answer at her house the other day."  
  
Donna paused when she heard a whispered threat. Looking up, she noticed Eric and Fez mouthing words to each other and giving what they assumed to be menacing stares. Placing her hands on her hips, she moved to stand in between them. Glaring down at Eric, she smacked him on the shoulder.   
  
"ERIC pay attention. Now have either of you two dill holes seen Jackie at school this week?"  
  
Fez shook his hand and shrugged his shoulders. "I haven't seen her."  
  
Eric also shook his head. "I haven't seen her either, but I wasn't exactly looking. I mean she's not in any of my classes so the only time I'd see her is during lunch with Hyde."  
  
Donna moaned in frustration. "You guys are useless."  
  
Eric moved to place his arm around her shoulder and directed her back to sitting on the couch. "C'mon on Donna. We never hang out much at school. Sometimes I think we don't even go to school half the time."   
  
"I know," sighed Donna as she placed her head on Eric's shoulder. "I'm sorry for getting upset. I'm just beginning to get worried about Jackie."  
  
"Well don't. I'm sure Jackie is just at home burning everything that Hyde ever touched and by next week she'll be coordinating outfits with the cheerleaders again."  
  
"I guess you're right Eric. I just think that Jackie is..." Donna was interrupted by the basement door suddenly flying open, and Hyde walking inside. "...having another hot flash because the umm temperature is cold in here, and we all know that Mrs. Forman controls the thermostat."   
  
Hyde strolled over to the freezer and grabbed a Popsicle before settling down in his chair. "Donna what are you talking about? It's like a fricken sauna in here."  
  
Donna looked toward Eric in slight desperation and panic. Eric glanced back to Hyde nervously chuckling. "Well it was cold before we all huddled together and, well, they say that body heat was the first form of central heating."   
  
Hyde stared skeptically at his three friends. "Who the hell says that?"  
  
Eric swallowed hard. "Umm just people?"  
  
"Wait I am confused," interjected Fez. "If Miss. Kitty is going through the change of life than why is Jackie having hot flashes as well. It's not contagious is it?" A panicked look overcame Fez as he searched his friends faces for comfort.  
  
Donna slapped her forehead while Eric raised his hands in question to Fez. "Fez man what are you doing?"  
  
Donna waved her hand dismissively at Eric. "Like you were doing any better with 'body heat was the first form of central heating.' Where did hell did you pull that from?"  
  
"I was trying to think quickly, and I didn't see you coming up with any brilliant cover ups Miss. Judgy."  
  
Hyde rolled his eyes at his meddling friends. "Look you guys don't need to stop talking about Jackie just because I walk into the room. I don't care if you talk about her cause it doesn't have anything to do with me."  
  
Donna stood up angrily. "Doesn't have anything to do with YOU? Hyde she was your girlfriend, and she's obviously in pain."  
  
"Yeah, WAS Donna. As in past tense. Look Jackie and I are over for good. It's not my job to take care of her anymore. I'm through with that."  
  
Donna watched as Hyde leaned back in his chair with his arm slung casually over the back of it. With his glasses perched low on his nose, he was the picture of indifference. She wondered if he was really this good an actor or if he really didn't care.   
  
All her life she'd been friends with Hyde without really knowing him. Nobody really knew him because he didn't let them in. Eric was the closest to Hyde and occasionally could reach that dark place within him, but even that was few and far between.   
  
With Jackie she had seen a change in Hyde. Every now and then Donna would catch a look of desperation in his eyes. A desperation for what she often wondered. Fear that somebody would break down the walls or hope that someone would?   
  
His eyes now held nothing. There was no anger or hate. There was no pain or hurt. There was nothing. Donna worried that this mishap with Jackie would push Hyde so far behind his walls that nobody would ever be able to reach him again. She feared that Hyde would truly live a life of loneliness.   
  
Sighing in resignation, she picked up her coat, kissed Eric on the cheek, and walked to the door. Resting her hand on the door knob, she paused and turned back to Hyde. Wishing she had something great to say to change his mind, Donna opened the door to go find Jackie alone.   
  
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Author's Note part deux: If you want to review than please do. It would make my day.   
  
Thanks to JackieHyde who was my first reviewer and took the time to review it when there was only a little prologue there. 


	3. Chapter Two

What Could Have Been  
Chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned the show or characters would I be posting here? No you'd see on TV.   
  
Author's Note: I want to thank everyone who reviewed my story these last couple of days. Your kind words propelled me to finish this as quickly as possible. Thanks to everyone over at F4F as well. You guys are great!  
  
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Donna walked up the path to Jackie's front door. It was so quiet and dark inside, very unlike the bustling house that it used to be. Jackie's parents were known for giving a party every Friday for all their country club friends. The days previous to the party were spent getting the house and lawn ready. There were always gardeners, decorators, caterers, and cleaners around along with the permanent cook and nanny.   
  
While Jackie had long ago stopped needing a nanny, her parents kept Ms. Jacobs on staff to maintain the house and supervise Jackie during their many extended vacations. Jackie had grown up treating Ms. Jacobs like a third parent.   
  
On this particular Friday, though, there was no sign of movement inside the house let alone a party. Peering through the glass windows on the door, Donna noticed the entire first floor seemed to be dark and empty. Maybe Jackie wasn't even here.   
  
Deciding to take a chance and not really knowing where else to look right now, Donna pressed the doorbell soundly. Nothing happened inside. Frustrated Donna turned and walked back down to the street. As she turned to walk away, something caught her eye. A single light was visible from the side of the house which just happened to be Jackie's window.   
  
With new determination and resolve, Donna marched back up to the front door and firmly pressed the doorbell holding it down. Several minutes passed with nothing happening. "I'm not going away Jackie," Donna shouted to the seemingly empty house.   
  
After several more minutes of holding down the doorbell, the front door flung open to reveal an agitated Jackie.   
  
"Donna you'd think that you of all people would know when you're not wanted. Now go away."  
  
Jackie started to slam the door close, but Donna was quicker and stuck her foot in the door jam keeping it open. Jackie scowled. "That's not fair. You have an advantage with your lumberjack feet."  
  
Donna rolled her eyes and mentally reminded herself that Jackie was her friend, and she was there to help her. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk Jackie."  
  
Jackie remained quiet, and Donna took this pause in conversation to look over her friend. What she saw shocked her. Jackie was wearing sweatpants with an old t-shirt. Donna didn't even know that Jackie owned a pair of sweats let alone would ever wear them. Jackie's hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and her face was free of make-up. Her friend looked like crap. Donna suddenly became even more worried than before. It was one thing for Jackie to remain hidden for a week, but to neglect her appearance like this meant things were truly terrible.   
  
Finally relenting Jackie moved aside and let Donna in. Jackie turned without speaking and walked up the stairs to her room. Following her, Donna looked around for Ms. Jacobs or Carl, the cook. They were no where to be found.   
  
"Hey Jackie, where is everyone? Your house looks like a mausoleum."  
  
"They're gone," Jackie curtly replied without turning around.  
  
Once inside her room, Jackie quickly closed the door as if to separate herself from the rest of the house. Eyeing Donna suspiciously, Jackie slowly walked over to the bed to sit next to her friend.   
  
"Okay Donna I know you don't have any other friends, but what are you doing here?"  
  
"I wanted to make sure you were okay."  
  
"I'm fine Donna," Jackie snapped.  
  
"Oh really? Then where have you been all week long? Why haven't any of the guys seen you at school? And why do you look like crap?"  
  
Jackie flounced off the bed and started a fast pace back and forth across her bedroom. "So because I got tired of hanging out with you losers that automatically means there is something wrong with me? Please Donna if that were so then there's something wrong with a lot of people at school."  
  
Donna stood up slightly outraged. "Jackie, what the hell?"   
  
"I'm just telling the truth," Jackie replied shrugging.   
  
Donna had enough. She was only trying to help Jackie out and certainly didn't need this headache. "Fine," she muttered heading for the door.   
  
"I don't even know why you care in the first place. You were always Steven's friend not mine."  
  
Jackie's murmured words stopped Donna cold. Turning around, she realized for the first time tonight what was really going on with Jackie. She was hurt and vulnerable. She'd been dumped by Hyde, and she didn't know what went along with that.   
  
Pulling up every ounce of patience and compassion in her body, Donna took a couple of steps toward her friend. "C'mon Jackie you know that's not true. You're not just the girlfriend anymore. We've become friends all on our own."  
  
Jackie's face softened a little from the hard resolve she'd carried all night. "Well you were friends with Steven first," she accused.  
  
"Yeah and I'm still friends with Hyde, but that doesn't mean that you and I can't be friends. Our lives shouldn't revolve around guys."  
  
"Okay now you're talking crazy Donna," Jackie said rolling her eyes.  
  
"The point is that I'm still going to be your friend whether you're with Hyde or Kelso or hell even Fez."  
  
Jackie looked touched and for one of the first times in her life didn't know what to say. Both girls stared uncomfortably at the floor uncertain what to do next. They weren't used to talking about their friendship like this.  
  
Finally Donna cleared her throat and led Jackie over to the bed. "Okay so what's going on? Why hasn't anyone seen you at school?"  
  
Jackie started picking at his nails. "Well because I haven't exactly been there."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's not a big deal. So I missed a couple of days. People do get sick you know."  
  
Donna stared at Jackie flabbergasted. "Jackie its been a whole week not just a couple of days. You can't just keep missing school or you'll never graduate."  
  
"Please Donna I don't need a degree. I'm pretty."  
  
"Okay well just as a back up plan then, when are you going back?"  
  
"I don't know. I was thinking of transferring to your school. The catholic school girl look is very hip in New York right now."  
  
Suddenly Donna felt a wave of sympathy. "You're going to have to see him sometime Jackie," she gently said.  
  
Jackie stubbornly shook her head. "Well its not going to be anytime soon if I have anything to do with it. And it just so happens I do." She stared defiantly at Donna as if to say 'so there.'  
  
Donna decided not to approach the subject of Hyde with Jackie. She'd always talked about things before, usually in excruciating detail. Donna figured she talk about him when she was ready.   
  
"All right then. Why don't we go down to the Hub to grab something. Without your cook, I doubt there's much here to eat, and I'm getting hungry."  
  
"Donna I'm gone for one week and you've already turned to food? It's a good thing I came back into your life." Jackie smirked.  
  
"Shut up and go get ready. I'm assuming you're going to change." Donna indicated her outfit with her finger.  
  
Jackie walked over to her closet and laughed at Donna. "Of course. Like I'd go out in this outfit. I'm not..."  
  
"I got it Jackie," Donna interrupted. "I didn't even know you owned a pair of sweats."  
  
Jackie paused and stared quietly into the closet for a few minutes. "They're not mine," she whispered.  
  
Quickly understanding, Donna let the topic drop and walked over to the door. "I'm just going to give you a few minutes to change. I'll be waiting downstairs."  
  
As Donna was opening the door, Jackie called out to her. "Hey Donna you don't think...well I was wondering...the Hub is popular and I..."  
  
"He won't be there," Donna interrupted. "He and the guys are hanging out in the basement."  
  
Jackie smiled in relief. "Thank you Donna."  
  
  
  
  
  
Fighting for a table at the Hub on a Friday night had been difficult work, and both girls were feeling very agitated by the time they had ordered their food and sat down near the back of the room.   
  
Jackie could feel everyone staring at her from all areas of the room. It was annoying to turn and see their pitiful eyes. She didn't want their pity. If anyone needed pity, it was all of them from her. They were nothing, and she was Jackie Burkhart, one of the most popular girls in school.   
  
"Why are these people all staring at me Donna? It's been a week."  
  
"Jackie, this is Point Place. You can't expect something like this to go away in a couple of days, and your disappearing act didn't help things either."  
  
Jackie crossed her arms on her chest huffily.   
  
"Order for Donna at the counter. Pick it up NOW." The loudspeaker announced throughout the restaurant.   
  
Donna stood up and glanced distastefully at the crowded room to the other side where their food was located. "I'll be right back, hopefully."  
  
After a few minutes, Jackie started to get anxious. She wished Donna would hurry up. With all these people in here, she didn't like sitting alone. Without Donna she had nothing to distract herself from the questioning stares. This was partly the reason she didn't want to go to school. Having to deal with all the questions and comments.   
  
Scanning the crowd for Donna, her eyes stopped on a guy with curly hair standing near the bathroom with his back to her. Closing her eyes, she mentally repeated to herself, 'it's not him, it's not him.' Opening her eyes slowly, she was horrified to see that it was him.   
  
Breathing heavily, Jackie could feel the walls closing in on her. She needed to get out of here now. Quickly collecting her coat and purse, Jackie started walking to the door. Holding her breathe as she passed behind Hyde, Jackie said a silent prayer.  
  
Abruptly, she was pushed from the left and sent careening into Hyde on her right. She could feel arms grab on to her before she hit the floor, and she knew within a second who's they were. They were so familiar and tender. A thousand memories came flooding back to her.  
  
Wishing the floor would just open up and swallow her whole, Jackie slowly raised her head to meet a pair of intense blue eyes staring back. His eyes held shock and something that Jackie couldn't quite read. Suddenly realizing that Hyde's arms were still around her, she jumped backward. Her eyes were unable to break the connection though. They stood like that for several moments.   
  
This was the first time she'd seen him since that awful day in the basement. He looked exactly the same. His brown hair still curled tightly. She recognized the shirt he was wearing. His glasses were hanging from his collar like they always did. He hadn't changed a bit, and yet looking at him now he seemed like a stranger to Jackie. She hated that. Hated that someone she loved so much was unknown to her.   
  
Gathering up her courage, Jackie opened up her mouth to speak, but someone beat her to the punch.  
  
"Hyde If we're going back to my place we need to hurry. My parents are only going to be gone until midnight."  
  
For the first time since she'd seen him, her eyes left his and traveled to just over his shoulder. Her heart clenched as she saw Pam Macy standing behind Hyde with her arms wrapped around his waist.  
  
Franticly her eyes sought his again as tears welled up. This couldn't be happening. Surely he was going to tell her that this was a mistake, and that he wasn't here with Pam Macy of all people. He was going to tell her that Pam was obviously delusional, and that he would never do that to her.  
  
His eyes were shifted downward though, and he wasn't speaking up. Suddenly she understood.   
  
Struggling to keep the tears from falling, Jackie sprinted for the door leaving Donna, Hyde, Pam, and everyone else staring after her.   
  
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The next part will be up in a couple of days. There will be more Hyde in it, and you'll get a glance at what's been going through his mind.  
  
If you enjoyed it, please review. If you didn't, please review. You see a pattern here. :) 


	4. Chapter Three

What Could Have Been  
Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
Thanks to everyone for reviewing. It's so great to know that people are actually enjoying something you wrote.  
  
I would just like to warn everyone. This chapter is very heavy on the angst and very light on the comedy. It sets up Jackie's perspective and gives you an idea of the changing she's done throughtout the years. There's also several hints about future happenings...if you can find them. ;)  
  
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"I'm so gonna kick Hyde's ass," muttered Donna as she stormed out the door in pursuit of Jackie.  
  
After arguing with the server at the Hub over what was supposed to be a plain burger, she'd fought her way back through the crowd just in time to see Jackie fall into Hyde. Donna had noticed Pam Macy right away, though, because she wasn't being distracted by a pair of blue eyes. Tossing the food on the nearest table, she'd tried to hurry over to interrupt what she knew was going to be heartbreak for Jackie. Donna had arrived too late though, as Jackie flew by her out the door. Throwing her dirtiest look at Hyde, she'd dashed out the door to find no sign off Jackie.  
  
So now she was standing outside the Hub debating on the first place Jackie would run too. Turning to head toward Jackie's house, Donna heard a high pitched noise coming from the alley beside the Hub.   
  
Peering around the corner, she saw Jackie propped up against the wall. Sighing with relief at not having to comb the neighborhood, Donna approached her friend. "There you are Jackie. I thought I was going to..." Her voice trailed off as she noticed that Jackie was crying.   
  
Donna had seen Jackie cry a million times. She'd seen Jackie cry when Michael cheated on her. She'd seen Jackie cry when her Dad cut off her allowance. She'd seen Jackie cry when her new clogs got dirty. Jackie crying was not out of the ordinary.   
  
Watching her now though, Donna had never seen Jackie cry quite like this. Her breath was coming in strangled gasps, and her face convulsed each time as if breathing hurt. Her mascara was smeared all over her face as huge tear drops cascaded down her cheeks spilling onto her blouse. Her body was visibly shaking from head to toe, and her knees buckled sending her sliding down to the ground.  
  
Donna walked slowly over to her friend and sat down next to her. Not knowing what to say, Donna reached out her arm to lightly rub Jackie's back. This didn't appear to help though as her crying only seemed to become harder and more desperate.   
  
After a few moments, Jackie grabbed her mouth with her hand and dashed to a nearby trashcan. Donna flinched at the retching sounds that came from her friend. She'd never seen Jackie this upset. She had no idea how to help.  
  
When Jackie was finished throwing up, she placed the lid on the trashcan and leaned against it. She had used up all her tears and with that, all her energy. She was absolutely spent.   
  
Slowly she turned around to face Donna. Her face was pale and tired, and her eyes were dead. After a few moments of staring at the silent Donna, Jackie surveyed the area around them. It was only then that she spoke, in a distant and detached manner that Donna had never heard from Jackie. Her voice was devoid of any emotion at all.   
  
"This is where I told Steven I loved him for the first time. I was so young and naive back then. I thought that because he took the blame for the pot that he loved me and was just too embarrassed to admit it. I was sure that he didn't feel worthy of me, and that saving me was the only thing he could do to prove himself. I was wrong though. That was just Steven being Steven. I still to this day don't know why he did it. Guilt? Boredom? I don't know, and I probably won't ever find out."  
  
As Jackie paused in her story, Donna wondered where Jackie was going with this. After all, she'd heard this tale lots of times. Jackie had regaled her with Steven's heroics numerous times back then and several times ever since. She wanted to ask Jackie what was going on, but something silenced her. Something told her to let Jackie tell her story in her own time.  
  
As she expected, Jackie continued. "So here I was full of ideas of love and heroism, and I just blurted out that I loved him. It just seemed like the right thing to do you know. A guy saves you from jail, and you're supposed to tell him that you love him. It's how it works in all the movies. Of course in the movies the guy doesn't tell you to shut up which is exactly what Steven did. It didn't bother me though because I knew deep down he loved me too, but just couldn't admit it."  
  
At this point Jackie turned back to face Donna and for the first time addressed her.   
  
"Do you remember when you always wondered how I could chase after Steven when he kept making fun of me or telling me to get lost? How I didn't get hurt after each one of rejections? How I could keep coming back for more?"  
  
Donna nodded slightly in what she hoped was an encouraging matter. She prayed Jackie didn't expect a response because she didn't have one.  
  
Luckily she didn't need one because Jackie seemed satisfied with a mere nod and continued  
  
"Well that's because I didn't get hurt, in fact I didn't feel anything. The truth is that it was all a game of pretend. I pretended I was in love with him. I convinced myself that we destined lovers who just had these obstacles to overcome. Who knows why? Maybe I wanted something pretend after the disaster with Michael. Maybe I wanted a bit of adventure. Maybe I wanted to be more aloof and Zen like Steven."  
  
Sighing, Jackie walked over to where Donna was sitting and slide down the wall to sit next to her. Her face still wore the mask it had from the beginning of the story, and her voice still remained detached.   
  
"So we played out the pretend fantasy for awhile. It was fun you know. There was no risk or worry about being hurt. I guess it was on Veteran's Day when the fantasy ended. The game was over, and I went back to my normal reality. Back to Michael. Then something happened that I never expected in a million years. Pretend became Real."  
  
It was on that last word, that Jackie's voice broke for the first time in her story. All the emotion she'd been containing seeped out in that one word. From then on, Jackie's voice was full of passion and anguish.  
  
"I never expected or wanted to fall for Steven. Our romance truly started out as just a fling. Something to do during the long summer days when nobody else was around. But it became so much more. I don't know when it happened or how long it took, but I remember when I first realized it. We were all enduring Mrs. Foreman's pathetic excuse for a dinner party, and all the guys walked out on us. I was so angry with Steven for ditching me, but at the same time I still was bursting to talk to him and be him. I realized that I'd fallen in love with Steven."  
  
Donna's eyebrows shot up at that last comment. Jackie was in love with Hyde? Jackie had never said anything to her about it, and Jackie was not a girl to hold in her emotions about boys. Of course Jackie had been doing a lot of things lately that Donna didn't expect. This whole day could be added to that list.  
  
"I knew then that I loved him, and not the kind of love I thought I felt a couple of years ago. This wasn't pretend. This was real. And that scared the shit out of me. If I really loved him this time, than it would hurt like hell when he pushed me away or made fun of me. So I didn't say anything. Not to him or you or anybody. It was my own little secret."  
  
"Jackie I can't believe you actually kept that to yourself. You've never been one to hide from love. You were always telling Michael that you loved him." Donna pointed out.  
  
Jackie raised her eyebrow skeptically. "And look where that got me. Half heartedly engaged to a guy who ran away to California just so he wouldn't have to face me," Jackie snorted. "Besides my Dad had just gone to jail, and my Mom was MIA. I just didn't want to risk another person bailing, and I figured if Steven knew how I felt he'd jump ship."  
  
Donna shook her head vehemently. "No, Jackie he wouldn't do that. Look you just have to go and tell him how you feel. If he knew that you loved him than he'd probably want to get back together. I mean this whole thing starting because of his doubt over your feelings for Kelso. So let's go find him and tell..."  
  
"Donna," Jackie interrupted. "He already knows."  
  
"What? How if you didn't.."  
  
"I did. I told him the night of the Valentine's Day dance. I thought he was spooked because he assumed I still had feelings for Michael, and I figured that if he knew how I truly felt than he'd be okay. That we'd be okay."  
  
"So what did he say," Donna hesitantly questioned.  
  
Tears started to form in Jackie's eyes, and this time is was she who reached out toward Donna. Enveloped in a hug from her best friend, she repeated the words that had broken her heart. "That it was a real waste."  
  
The tears fell, and Jackie started crying again. This time is was softer more mournful than last time. Jackie pulled away and roughly brushed at her cheeks. "So you see Donna it's the same as last time. The same results from when I told Steven I loved him in this very alley. 'Shut up' and 'real waste', they mean the same thing. It just pretend. Except this time, he was the one pretending."  
  
Descending into tears again, Jackie clutched at Donna. There was nothing left to say. Nothing Donna could say would help heal her best friend. So on the cold ground of the alley, Donna rocked her friend back and forth soothingly with one thought coursing through her mind.   
  
"I'm so gonna kick Hyde's ass."  
  
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Okay I know I said that Hyde would be in this chapter, and he originally was. But the chapter was far too long so I decided to split it up into two. So Hyde will positively be in the next chapter which is pretty much done. Look for it later on tonight!!!  
  
As always, if you like please review, and if you didn't please review. :) 


	5. Chapter Four

What Could Have Been  
Chapter 4  
  
Disclaimer: Do we really need to go into this again?  
  
Thank you to everyone that reviewed my story. Here's a little look into Hyde's perspective.   
  
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Hyde shifted his car into park and turned the engine off. Resting his hands on the steering wheel, he paused before getting out of the car. He wasn't looking forward to the assumptions and questions he'd get when he walked into the Forman's basement.   
  
Hyde really wanted to just forget this last week. Everywhere he'd gone, there had been somebody looking at him, wondering how he was doing. It was like they all expected him to fall apart any moment which pissed him off. He wasn't going to spend two weeks locked up in his room like Forman. He wasn't some damn girl.   
  
Now things were only about to get worse. He could imagine each of his friends reactions. Kelso would be pumped and want to compare notes. Fez would be jealous and talk about his own needs. And Eric would tease him in that slightly concerned way that was really asking if everything was okay. That pissed him off more than anything. It infuriated him off that Forman could tell when things weren't okay.  
  
Finally deciding he couldn't put it off any more, Hyde got out of the car and descended the basement steps hesitantly. Taking a deep breathe, he flung the door open.   
  
Kelso, Fez, and Eric all looked up from the television in shock which quickly turned to amusement. Ignoring all of them, Hyde walked across the room and sat down in his usual chair. Perhaps if he didn't say anything, they would just leave him alone.  
  
"Well good morning sunshine," Eric chirped.  
  
Or perhaps not.   
  
Looking over at Eric, he noticed that the three guys had abandoned the television and were now staring avidly at him waiting for answers.   
  
"What?" He shrugged.  
  
"Where were you last night?" Eric was staring at him with that damn look of sympathetic teasing.   
  
Hyde rolled his eyes. "No where mother," he muttered before turning back to whatever cheesy game show was on.  
  
"Dude Pam Macy's bedroom is not nowhere," Kelso blurted out from behind the couch.   
  
Hyde whipped his head over toward Kelso. His friend was slightly bouncing on his heels in excitement, and his grin was so big anyone would think he'd just scored with Pam.   
  
"Oh Hyde you could never hide this from us. We are far too sneaky." Fez commented from the couch.  
  
"What makes you losers think I was with Pam last night," challenged Hyde.   
  
Eric looked slightly squeamish at Hyde's last question. "Well Donna came over to talk to you this morning. She stormed in and woke me up to announce that you weren't in your bedroom. She was pissed man."  
  
"Pissed?"  
  
"Yeah which means I didn't get any early morning action. So I'm glad one of us apparently did," Eric paused. "No I'm not. Damn you Hyde."  
  
"Eric our boy was at Pam's all night. They could have done it twice. That's like doing it once, but times two." Kelso reasoned.  
  
Hyde stared at Kelso for a moment trying to decide whether it was worth it to comment. Deciding it wasn't, he turned back to Eric. "So how does me not being home this morning equal Hyde spent the night with Pam?"  
  
Eric picked up on the slightly hostile tone in his friend's voice. "Hmm, well Donna was muttering something about you and that tramp Macy. Something about the Hub," Eric shrugged. "She doesn't really filter her speak when she's angry. That's how I usually discover what I did to piss her off."  
  
"Eric you must have communication in a relationship. My Nina is always open and honest and tells me exactly what to do and say. This way she doesn't get mad, and Fez can still receive the love."  
  
"Yeah but Fez, Donna and I have sex. You don't."  
  
Fez slammed his hand down on the sofa arm. "So you think you are better than me because I have yet to taste a women's sweet nectar? Well you are no longer welcome to my candy, whore."  
  
"Fez I just meant that when you have sex with a women, everything changes. It's like they expect you read their minds. Like sex is this magical bond or something. What's up with that?"  
  
Kelso stomped around the couch to stand in between the two impatiently. "Guys Hyde was about to tell us how he boned Pam Macy."  
  
Hyde shook his head slightly. "Umm no I wasn't."  
  
"Oh c'mon Hyde. We're your friends, and if you can't talk about screwing with your friends then what do you talk about?"  
  
Hyde paused trying to decide how to handle this situation. Not really wanting to talk about last night, He thought about just telling them all to go to hell and locking himself in his room all day. The only problem with that plan is they, especially Eric, would probably think something was up. This would only lead to more questions and concerned looks. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't.  
  
As if a gift from God, the back door swung open and Donna stepped through. Scanning the room quickly, her eyes stopped on Hyde. Slamming the door behind her, she crossed her arms over her chest. Her face was glaring and her eyes were shooting poisonous looks both directed solely at him. "We need to talk," she spat out.   
  
Okay so maybe it was a gift from Satan, but he'd take it either way.  
  
Kelso, oblivious as always to his surroundings, approached Donna with a smirk. "Hey Big D. Did you hear that Hyde did it twice with Pam last night. Not once, but twice."   
  
Having lost her patience sometime last night in the alleyway, Donna grabbed hold of Kelso's collar and yanked him close to her face. "Get out," she growled and shoved him toward the door.  
  
"Damn Donna. I didn't say that ERIC did it with Pam."  
  
Eric jumped up nervously. "Which I didn't. Or haven't. Ever."  
  
"What part of 'get out' do you dill holes not understand?" She gave Eric and Fez questioning looks.   
  
"But Donna..." Fez said.  
  
"GET OUT," bellowed Donna. "NOW!"  
  
With hasty good-byes, the three boys tripped over themselves to get to the door.   
  
Now alone, Donna turned her attention back to Hyde. "Well?" she questioned.  
  
Hyde stood and stretched his arms nonchalantly over his head. "Not bad. Now I'll get some piece going to sleep." Rotating to walk over to his room, he heard a derisive scoff from behind him. Then an arm reached out and yanked him back to face her.   
  
"I don't think so. You're not getting away that easily."  
  
"Shame on me for thinking that you'd stay out of something that is none of your business in the first place," Hyde muttered sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah well you made it my business, unfortunately, when you dumped my best friend and then went and slept with that trash Pam Macy."  
  
"Oh God. Here we go. Is this the part where you tell me what a bastard I am for dumping Jackie, and how all men are evil."  
  
Donna watched Hyde roll his eyes impatiently. She wondered how he could be so cold and callous to a girl he dated for seven months.  
  
"Don't you even want to know what happened last night while you were off playing pin the tail on the ho bag?"  
  
"No I don't. I don't want to know anything about Jackie or concerning Jackie. Because I don't care!"  
  
"You don't care?" exclaimed Donna.  
  
Hyde squared his shoulder, folded his arms, and set his face in the blank facade he'd used thousand of times before. "No."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay?" Hyde mentally did a double take. That was all there was to it? Surely not.   
  
Donna nodded. "Yeah I mean if you don't care, then you don't care right? What can I do?"  
  
"Exactly. Now I'm gonna go grab something to eat." He was halfway to the stairs when he heard her speak again.  
  
"So you probably don't care that Jackie hasn't been to school in a week."  
  
Turning around, he raised his eyebrows. He should have known it wouldn't have been that easy.   
  
Donna took a couple of steps toward him. "And you probably don't care that I saw her yesterday in sweats with no makeup."  
  
Hyde rolled his eyes. "I know what you're trying to do Donna. And it won't work."  
  
"Yeah I know. I mean you don't care that Jackie's parents are both gone and that her mom let Ms. Jacobs go."  
  
Hyde turned to go, but Donna's hand reached out and stopped him. "It doesn't matter that she goes home to a dark empty house day in and day out because you don't care."  
  
Hyde scowled at Donna. "Stop it," he commanded struggling to keep his voice calm and composed.   
  
At this point, Donna had gripped both of his shoulders and was shaking him slightly with each word. "And I bet you really don't care that she's probably cried herself to sleep every night this week."  
  
Pain coursed through Hyde's body, and he franticly tried to dismiss it. He needed to get away now before he said something he'd regret. Pulling harshly away from Donna, he started up the stairs.   
  
"But what about this? After seeing you last night with Pam, she cried so uncontrollably hard that she ended up throwing up in a trashcan outside the Hub," Donna shouted desperately.  
  
Hyde stopped cold on the fifth step. Slowly turning back toward Donna, he felt the mask crumble, and his body sagged under the weight of pain and remorse.  
  
Noticing his expression, Donna's face softened. "If you don't care then why are you in such pain? And I don't think I caused this pain. I think its been here all along."  
  
Running his hands through his hair, Hyde walked down the steps. "Fine you win."   
  
Donna reached out her hand to touch Hyde's. "That's not what I was trying to do. I just wanted to..."  
  
Yanking his arm away, Hyde felt the last of his restraint slip away. "Do I care? Hell yeah I care. I care so much that sometimes I think I can't breathe. All I think about is Jackie. All I dream about is Jackie. Why can't I get her out of my head? WHY?"   
  
Hyde had started pacing around the room, and Donna watched in bewilderment. He was yelling at this point. Frustration and pain laced through his words. "I spend hours wondering if she's okay, agonizing that I may have hurt her, and questioning my actions. And I hate that because she's the one that screwed up. She called Kelso her boyfriend. She messed up, and she expects me to just ignore it and move on. I'm not going to play second fiddle to Kelso."  
  
"Hyde she knows she messed up, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. She does."  
  
Hyde scoffed. "Yeah I know. She tossed in an 'I love you' for dramatic effect. I bet that was all elegantly planned."  
  
Donna tossed her hands in the air in aggravation. "That wasn't a ploy you dumbass. She really does love you. Do you think she'd be this upset if she didn't." Donna paused for a moment. "Do you think you'd be this upset if you didn't."   
  
Sighing Hyde silently gazed at Donna in resignation. He plopped down on the couch and grabbed his head with his hands.  
  
Donna gently sat down next to him and placed her hand on his back like she'd done for Jackie just last night. "I know that it's hard to let go and just trust her Hyde. And this slip up with Kelso definitely didn't help. But all this pain and anger, just means that you really care about her. It means its real."   
  
Hyde shook his head from side to side gently. "I don't know if I can do this," he whispered in a voice so full of pain and honesty that Donna berated herself for ever wondering if Hyde was capable of feeling.   
  
"Hyde, I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. I can't tell you whether or not you can get through this or if everything's going to work out because I really don't know. I can tell that you need to talk to Jackie. She's the only one that could possibly make your pain go away."  
  
"Or increase it tenfold. This is Jackie we're talking about."   
  
Donna shrugged her shoulders. "That's the gamble you take with love."  
  
Hyde remained silent for a few moments before getting up. Grabbing his jacket he walked out the door. Donna knew better than to try and ask him where he was going.   
  
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Okay so I finally found my Mount Everest of Fanfiction...Kelso. For some reason I found him the hardest character to write for, so I apologize for any weirdness on his part. 


	6. Chapter Five

What Could Have Been

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Okay I realize this part took longer than the rest. Blame it on writers block and laptop backlight going out. This part is extra long though so there is good news. More good news is that there is finally interaction between Jackie and Hyde other than staring. :) Thanks to everyone that reviewed. 

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Hyde drove past Jackie's house for what seemed like the millionth time. Each time, he slowed to nearly a stop before quickly accelerating down the street again. The neighbors must think he was a burglar stalking the house. 

He couldn't figure out why he was so reluctant to go inside. All the way over here, Hyde had been pumped to finally get this out in the open. Deal with it and move on had been his thinking. But when the time came to stop the car and get out, his pulse starting racing, and before he knew it he was speeding off down the street away from Jackie. It angered him that he was in a sense running away which is what had prompted him to turn around the first time. Now he seemed to be caught in some sort of everlasting loop.

Looking down at his gas gauge, he realized that this back and forth could not continue on much longer. He'd just have to go home and deal with this another day. 

__

Another day.

The thought of doing this again and again until finally somebody called the cops tired him out. It was then that he realized that this was never going to end unless he actually went in. The loop wouldn't cease existing just because he went home today. And he wasn't going to spend his life caught up in an everlasting loop like some feeble minded minion of the government. 

"Screw that," he muttered. With new determination, he whipped the car around and zoomed toward Jackie's house. Slamming on the breaks before giving himself a chance to think, he screeched to a halt. Continuing his 'give it no thought' mentality, Hyde jumped out of the car and walked to the front porch. Before he could ring the bell, though, the door was yanked open to reveal a stoic Jackie. 

"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to actually stop."

Embarrassed that he'd been caught out, Hyde automatically went on the offensive. "What where you doing? Looking out the window waiting for me?" he sneered. 

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Hardly. You can hear that junker from halfway across town."

"Well I just wanted to finish listening to a song. It's not like I was in a hurry to come talk to you."

Sighing, Jackie realized this could go on forever and resigned. "What are you doing here?" she asked wearily. 

Hyde was quiet as he scrambled to come up with an answer. All the way over, he'd been consumed with thoughts of getting here or not getting here that he hadn't thought about what he would say. What did he want to say to her? Or was it something he wanted to hear from her? Hyde couldn't remember. Why the hell had he decided to come here?

Jackie watched Hyde waiting for an answer. He was just standing there staring silently off into space. Was he ignoring her? What the hell was the point in coming over here if he wasn't going to talk to her? "Hyde!" she snapped impatiently.

__

Hyde

That caught his attention. Hyde. She'd called him Hyde. Not once since they had starting fooling around had she called him Hyde. Even before last summer, Jackie had usually referred to him as Steven. 

It was ironic. His entire life he'd hated being called Steven. In junior high, many a fight had been started by some jock calling him by his first name. He'd conditioned everyone to not only call him Hyde, but to think of him as Hyde as well. Then Jackie came along and without a second thought called him Steven. At first he suspected she'd done it to annoy him, but then she'd just got into the habit of it. 

Now it seemed wrong to hear her call him Hyde. It was unnatural. 

He shifted his focus back to the irritated brunette in front of him. With her arms crossed tightly over her chest and her foot tapping impatiently, Jackie looked like she was about to burst. Deciding that the best way to get out of answering a question he didn't really have an answer for was to just wait.

As he expected, Jackie caved and started the conversation. "You talked to Donna didn't you," she burst out. 

"She came to talk to me."

"Damn it. I should have known better than to trust somebody who wears plaid like everyday."

Figuring that slamming the door in his face was not a viable option mainly because she didn't really want him to leave, Jackie opened the door wider and motioned for him to come inside. 

Hyde stepped into the hall and looked around. Donna had been right. The place was deserted. He followed Jackie into a room that he assumed was the living room. He assumed because he'd never been in it. Every time Jackie had invited him over before, they had gone up to her room immediately. This seemed unnatural as well.

Jackie plopped down unceremoniously on the couch while Hyde eased himself into an armchair. She waited for him to start, but was only met with silence. Damn him. Why was he making this so difficult. 

"Well she shouldn't have told you anything." Jackie spat out.

Hyde shrugged. "She was concerned about you."

"She should be concerned about herself when I get a hold of her," Jackie murmured under her breathe. "So you came over here to tell me that Donna's concerned about me? Is that it?"

Hyde shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Look I just wanted to make sure you didn't do something incredibly stupid over this like before. I don't want that hanging over my head."

"Well isn't that very generous of you. God what did I ever see in you?" Jackie cried. 

Hyde ignored the hurt in Jackie's eyes and the anger in her voice. Just keep this short and then leave. "Exactly. That's why we shouldn't have been together in the first place. So lets just leave it at that and move on."

"Move on?" Jackie scoffed. "Yeah I can tell you don't need a lot of coaching in that aspect."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hyde questioned narrowing his eyes.

"Do I need to spell it out? Pam Macy?"

Hyde groaned and stared up at the ceiling. He should have known this was going to come up. Jackie never let anything go. Why would she start now. Watching his chance to finish this quickly evaporate into thin air, Hyde buckled down for a lengthy discussion. 

"Look it wasn't a big deal. It just happened."

"It just happened? So it was just a coincidence that you picked the same girl that Michael cheated on me with. What Laurie was out of town so you figured Slut Macy would have to do?" 

"What were you jealous?" It slipped out before he could stop himself. Mentally kicking himself for sounding so curious, Hyde watched Jackie's face switch from constrained anger to confused shock. 

"Is that what that was about? Making me jealous," she asked incredulously. "Are you trying to prove that you can make me more jealous than Michael?"

Standing up abruptly, Jackie began to pace back in forth in front of Hyde. "Well then you'll be glad to hear that I never wanted to kill somebody more. That I would be glad to rid the world of Pam, and her slut rabies. You'll be glad to know that the only thing that hurt more than watching her hold you in the Hub, are the nightmares I have about what you did after you went back to her place that night. So rest easy because you won."

Jackie turned her back to Hyde and dissolved into tears. She'd promised herself when she'd seen him walking up the lawn that he wouldn't get the privilege of seeing her cry, but the memories were just too painful.

Hyde watched her shoulders shake with convulsions and prayed for strength. Strength to do what he wasn't sure. Part of him wanted to comfort her and make the pain go away, and the other part wanted to slap himself for caring. He'd never thought about his reasons for asking out Pam. He'd simply been driven by this overwhelming force to prove something. Maybe Jackie was right or maybe he'd done it to prove to himself that he was over Jackie. He didn't know.

Deliberating over what to do, he finally came to a compromise and decided that the only thing he was able to do was offer her peace of mind. "Look," he said clearing his throat. "Nothing happened."

Jackie sobs ceased for a moment as she turned back to face Hyde. "What do you mean nothing happened?"

Hyde ran his fingers through his hair. Why did she have delve deeper into everything? Why couldn't she just take what he said and leave it? "Between me and Pam. Nothing happened."

"Right like I'm supposed to believe that you went back to her house and talked,"

Jackie responded sarcastically. 

"Look I didn't go inside with her. I just dropped her off and then drove around for awhile. Okay nothing happened," he snapped.

"Why?"

"I just didn't want to okay?"

Jackie frowned. "That's bull. You couldn't because of me."

Hyde rolled his eyes dramatically. "Of course it always comes back to you Jackie."

"This time it does. I know it. You still care about me. That's why you couldn't sleep with Pam, and that's why you came over here tonight."

"Don't flatter yourself."

Jackie groaned. "Would you stop that. Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to me. We had something great, and you went and threw it all away."

Hyde stared incredulously at Jackie. "I threw it all away? I'm not the one who runs around calling other guys their boyfriend."

"So I make one mistake and that's it? You just cast me aside with all the rest of your garbage," Jackie cried.

"That's the way I am," shrugged Hyde.

"And forgiveness isn't a part of who you are?"

Hyde slapped his hand down on the table causing Jackie to jump slightly. "Look Jackie I spent my childhood forgiving my mother and my father, and it ended with them leaving me. So excuse me if I don't believe in the virtues of something that makes you weak."

Jackie threw her hands up and rolled her eyes. "Oh that is such crap."

"Crap? You're calling my life crap?" Hyde's eyes narrowed. He hated bring up Edna and Bud to his friends. It usually resulting in some sympathetic glances and concerned mutters. Now the one time he brought it up voluntarily, it was thrown back in his face. 

"I'm not calling your life crap," Jackie shouted. "What's crap is that flimsy excuse. You think you're the only person who has had to deal with bad things in their life? You think you're the only person who has ever been left by somebody they care about?"

Jackie threw her arms out indicating the silent room. "Take a look around Steven. Take a look at my life these days. My dad is still in jail, and I have no idea for how long. My mom is drinking tequila someplace along the equator. I don't know exactly where because she doesn't call or write. Ms. Jacobs took off the moment she found out we couldn't pay her which speaks volumes about how much she really cared about me." 

She'd started a heavy pacing and was circling the room causing Hyde to turn around in circles to follow her. She was red faced and fuming. It seemed to Hyde that a lot of these feelings had been bottled up for some time. He found himself listening intently to Jackie something he didn't do very often. 

"We could go back in time when Michael ran off to California for the sole reason of getting away from me. Or we could go forward in time a few months to when my best friend leaves me for college." Tears where starting to form in Jackie's eyes again. "And then if all that isn't bad enough, the credit company called last week to tell me they're revoking my card." 

Jackie stopped pacing and turned toward Hyde pointing her finger. "So don't talk to me about people leaving. I'm well versed in that category. And you know how I got through it? You!" With that last word, Jackie's steam seemed to disappear, and she sunk into the couch deflated.

"Two weeks ago I realized just how alone I was in this world, and it scared me. I'm Jackie Burkhart. I don't know how to be alone. I sat on this couch and cried for a long time. Then I remembered you. I remembered that I had this one shining star in my life that not only was there for me, but knew what I was going through as well because he'd gone through it as well. I figured if anyone could help me deal with this it would be you."

Jackie then stared sadly up at Hyde. "I thought you knew how much it hurts when people you care about leave, and that you wouldn't do that to me." Her eyes suddenly turned hard. "Apparently I was wrong because that's exactly what you did. You left."

Hyde crossed his arms and walked slowly over to where Jackie was sitting. "I didn't leave Jackie. You called somebody else your boyfriend. And not just anybody, you called KELSO your boyfriend."

"So I made a mistake." Suddenly a skeptical look appeared over Jackie's face. "And I really don't think that's the reason you broke up with me."

"What?"

"You've never backed down from Michael before. You've never been afraid to compete for what you want. No this was just an excuse to leave because things were getting a little too serious for your tastes. That little voice in your head starting yapping about not needing anyone or caring about anyone." 

Hyde scoffed and shook his head. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Jackie smirked softly and stood up to meet his gaze straight on. "Oh I think I do. You know we are alike in so many ways. But the main difference between us is that I don't let my past dictate my future. I don't run away from something amazing because things didn't work out in the past."

Hyde tried to turn and walk away, but Jackie grasped his arm holding him still. "But you? You can't let go of what happened to you before. You're stuck in the past because you won't deal with it and move on. You're the guy that isn't effected by anyone. You're cool and calm. What's that word you used? Zen?"

Jackie shook her head fiercely sending her ponytail whipping across her face. Her eyes were bright with passion and fire. Hyde knew in his soul that he didn't want her to continue because he knew how close his walls were to falling down. He wanted to stop her, but he couldn't. His heart wouldn't let him.

"But the truth," she continued. "The truth is that you can't let anything in because if you do then you'll have to face everything that you've been storing away. Hyde isn't a guy who has no emotions. He's a guy that's hiding from them. He's a coward."

Hyde recoiled as if being slapped. "Stop it," he hissed.

"Steven Hyde you are a coward," Jackie said clearly annunciating and accenting each word. 

Hyde felt a rage build up inside him. It wasn't directed toward Jackie though. It was directed at himself. He hated that she knew all this. He should never have let her get so close. But staring at her now, he realized he'd never had a chance. She was beautiful. He'd been taken with her since the moment they meet. It had started out disguised as hatred, but it had been there.

Looking at Jackie, he realized that she expected some kind of response. She was waiting this time patiently for him to do or say something. He wasn't ready to deal with this though, so he resorted to something that had always fixed things between them before. 

Jackie was waiting for Hyde to react, and this time she would wait as long as it took. He seemed to be contemplating something. Then without warning, he reached out with one hand and grabbed her waist. Drawing her tightly to his body, his mouth attacked hers. His other hand reached up to cup her head pulling her even closer. His tongue pushed its way into her mouth possessively. 

Stunned by his sudden change, Jackie remained motionless for several moments. The heat and passion of the moment caught up with her eventually. It had been so long since she'd felt his touch and tasted his lips. Opening her mouth, she gave him total access. Her hands clutched his chest trying to pull him closer. 

This kiss was fierce and hard. It was passionate and overwhelming. They'd gone so long without being able to touch and feel each other. It all came rushing out in one powerful wave. 

They'd missed each other so much, and this was the only way they could express that longing. Hyde wasn't capable of saying the words, and Jackie wanted so badly to believed he cared.

It continued on for what seemed like hours. Jackie seriously thought her lungs would burst and her knees would give. His hands were caressing her skin like he wanted to crawl inside her. And his tongue was doing things to her mouth that she'd dreamed about. It was just like before. 

Just like before.

Jackie stilled at that last thought. She didn't want things like before. She couldn't go back to that. Pushing slightly with her hands, Jackie detached her mouth from Hyde's.

"What?" he whispered huskily placing his forehead on hers.

"We can't do this. I can't do this."

He softly smirked. "I happen to think we were doing pretty good."

Soft tears formed at the corners of her eyes as Jackie knew what she had to do. "It won't work this time Steven. You can't tell me to shut my piehole and kiss me and expect that to fix everything. I want more than that now."

"I can't give you more. That's not who I am."

The tears slowly slid down Jackie's cheeks. "It's who you could be. You aren't labeled one way for life. You can change if you want too."

Hyde shut his eyes trying to block out the sight of Jackie crying in his arms. "I can't change."

Jackie pulled completely away from him. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stared sadly at Hyde. "Then you don't want to be with me bad enough."

The two stood in silence staring at each other. Each one dealing with their own thoughts. Finally Jackie walked to the door and opened it. "I think you should leave now," she whispered.

Hyde took one more look at Jackie before striding out of the house down to his car. He didn't looked back. He didn't stop. He didn't see Jackie dissolve into tears and close the door.

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	7. Chapter Six

What Could Have Been 

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't sue me!!!

Author's Note: Thank you all for being so patient during my sabbatical. Most of the angst if over, and we can return to our happy world. 

****************************************************************

Hyde slammed his locker shut and leaned against it. It was only ten o'clock, but he felt like this day would never end. He kept telling himself that there was only two more months of school and then he would be free. Free to do what he wasn't sure. All around him his friends were making plans like college or the police academy. 

Hyde had realized that he hadn't given any thought to what he was going to do next year. He knew that college wasn't for him, but he'd always known that. Several years ago he may have been dreaming about moving to New York or Los Angeles, but he hadn't thought about those places in awhile. He refused to acknowledge the reason those dreams hadn't appeared recently.

As it turned out though, that reason no longer existed. He should be ecstatic about the prospect of moving on and leaving this town far behind. This is what he'd wanted since he was a kid. There was nothing tying him down to this town anymore. 

But the only thing he felt was an emptiness.

"Hey dude."

Hyde turned to see Kelso walking down the hall toward with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?"

Kelso folded his arms across his chest and rocked back and forth on his heels. "Nothing man."

Hyde raised his eyebrow inquisitively. "Yeah right. That's why you look like you just swallowed the cat and the canary."

Kelso frowned slightly. "Why would I want to eat a cat? That's just gross Hyde."

Rolling his eyes, Hyde reminded himself for the billionth time that Kelso was not actually brain dead. "Never mind. What's really going on with you."

Kelso looked like he might literally burst as he leaned his head toward Hyde's conspiratorially. "Well I'm not the kind to kiss and tell, but I've got a date with Anne Greer tonight." He finished with a slight squeal.

This news actually shocked Hyde. Anne Greer was the town good girl. She was straight A student and ballet dancer who hadn't done a single thing wrong since she cut in line during the fifth grade for extra pudding. She didn't really date that much unless it was arranged by her parents. To say she wasn't Kelso's type was an understatement. 

"Okay Kelso you know that you have absolutely zero chance of scoring with Anne right?"

Kelso looked affronted. "This is about love man."

"Whatever."

"Hey its true. I realized after all this mess with Annette and Jackie that love is the most important thing. And sex always seems to mess that up for me. So I figure if I get together with the one girl in the world that won't have sex with me that we'll fall in love for real." Kelso looked smug at this obvious logic as if he'd figured out the meaning to life.

Hyde rolled his eyes, but refrained from saying anything. The mention of Jackie had cast a black cloud on his mind. It was the first time all week that anyone had dared to mention her name in his presence. 

Nobody knew exactly what had happened last Saturday. All they knew was that Hyde had locked himself in his room all Sunday, and that Jackie appeared back in school on Monday with a fiery determination in her eyes. It was like a role reversal in some aspects. Jackie was now prancing around as if nothing had happened, and Hyde was moody and silent.

Distracted by a burst of shrill giggling, Hyde turned his attention to corner at the far end of the hall. Coming around it was the cheerleading squad. Hyde groaned knowing what this meant. Sure enough about halfway through the pack was Jackie.

He stared at her while she hadn't noticed him yet. She was dressed impeccably from head to toe. Her hair was shiny and bouncy. Her mouth was curved into a smile laughing at something that the girl next to her was saying. She was beautiful. 

Hyde quickly scanned the hallway and noticed all appreciative glances the group was getting. In his head he knew that not all of them were directed toward Jackie, but another part of him wanted to punch every guy in this area. Starting with the doofus next to him. 

"Don't you just love spring time. All the skirts come back out and its leg city once again." Kelso murmured. 

Hyde shook his head and turned toward Kelso. "Didn't you just get done telling me about your new 'love' with Anne? What happened to this new no sex policy?"

Kelso pouted. "Damn Hyde. Just because you can't use your money doesn't mean you aren't allowed to window shop."

"Whatever man."

Hyde directed his attention back to the cheerleaders, but this time his gaze meet Jackie's head on. Her face was no longer smiling, but blank. She didn't avert her glance right away either like he expected. She stared back solemnly. Her eyes were wide and deep making them seem even browner. For a minute the whole world seemed to fade away except for Jackie's eyes. Then he saw it. Sadness and love mixed together, each fighting for control. 

Then with a blink it was gone. Her attention turned back to Candy or Sandy standing beside her. The whole group passed by leaving Hyde and Kelso behind. Hyde became aware of a chuckling beside him. 

"BURN." yelled Kelso. "She just walked right past you without saying a word. Man that has got to suck. Even when she got mad at me, she was always yelling at least."

"Kelso," warned Hyde dangerously.

Kelso started backing up down the hall. "I think I'm going to go see if Anne needs help with her stretching." He turned and sprinted off down the hall.

Hyde resumed his position against the locker. With his glasses on and his arms crossed nonchalantly across his chest, he knew that he didn't look any different than he did any other day. So how come everyone seemed to be looking at him with pity or concern or malice. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on what happened between him a Jackie. Depending on who you talked to, he was either the devil incarnate or a pour soul wounded by Medusa. He preferred it a whole lot more when everyone ignored his love life.

As if trying to prove his point, a voice sounded beside him. 

"It's such a shame seeing a good looking guy like you all alone."

Hyde looked at the spot next to him to see Aileen Taylor standing there. Aileen Taylor was a senior cheerleader who Jackie hated. The two apparently competed for control of the squad. He had a good idea that's what this little rendezvous was all about.

"I'd rather be alone than with somebody I didn't like," he muttered hoping she'd take the hint.

"I know exactly what you mean," she purred. Running her finger down his shirt front, Aileen stopped just above his belt. She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "I think it's horrible what Jackie did to you. She can be such a bitch."

Hyde remained silent. He didn't want to agree with her, but defending Jackie's reputation was no longer his job.

Aileen seemed undaunted by his lack of participation. "I'd like to help you get over her. We could go for a drive tonight."

He pulled her hands away from his shirt and placed them by her side. "I don't think so."

A flash of annoyance crossed her face before it was replaced by another bright and shining smile. "Well if you change your mind, you can find me at cheerleading practice." With one last wink, she turned and walked down the hall. 

"Was that Aileen Taylor talking to you," came an incredulous voice from behind him. 

Hyde turned around to see Eric standing with his mouth slightly agape. He shrugged. "Yup," he said noncommittally.

"Man what I wouldn't give for her to come up and talk to me."

"I know what you'd have to give. Whatever body part Donna ripped off."

"Hey Donna couldn't rip anything off," Eric protested. "She'd probably just break it." 

Hyde rolled his eyes. "So what's up with you two anyway?"

Eric threw his hands in the air frustrated. "Apparently I missed some 'obvious subtext' when we were talking last night. She was trying to tell me that she wanted to talk while actually saying that I should go hang out with Fez and Kelso at the Hub."

"Forman you're pathetic."

"I don't know why I put up with this," he grumbled. 

The warning bell rang throughout the halls indicating that the next class would start in five minutes. The halls were suddenly swarming with students running to class and the volume rose as everyone quickly tried to finish their conversations. Eric hitched his backpack on his shoulder and motioned for Hyde to follow him to class. 

Hyde pulled Eric to the side of the hallway. "Why do you put up with it?" he questioned.

"I don't know. The fringe benefits aren't that bad," cracked Eric.

"No seriously. Why do you stay with Donna if she makes you miserable?"

Eric looked over at Hyde laughing. "Yeah right like I'm going to say anything. I don't want to be called Erica for the next month."

"No Forman, I'm serious. Why?"

Eric studied Hyde's face for several moments. He seemed to genuinely want to know. He seemed almost desperate to know. Eric realized this must have something to do with Jackie. "Well because I'd be miserable without her. I mean sure we get into fights and sometimes I have to do some things that I hate, but those are only short bits of misery. The rest of the time is so wonderful and beautiful that it makes it all worthwhile."

Eric paused taking a deep breathe before he continued. "But the misery that I'd been in without her? That's the deep never ending kind of misery that grabs hold of your soul and won't let go. You just simply feel incomplete and empty. So you see, it isn't a question of why. I never really had a choice."

Eric waited while Hyde seemed to take it all in. Suddenly he nodded and clapped his hand on Eric's back. "Thanks," he said sincerely. Then he smirked. "Thanks Erica."

Eric rolled his eyes and shoved Hyde's arm off him. "Yeah well I'm off to class. Where is where you should be headed if you want to actually graduate."

Hyde shrugged his shoulders. "Nah I think I'm going to drop out the day before graduation. Keep the government on his toes."

"Yeah good thinking man."

Eric walked off down the hall toward class. 

Hyde paused for a second before making a decision. Turning toward the school door, Hyde decided to take off. He was too worked up to sit through a bunch of classes, and he needed to clear his head to do some thinking. 

Ignoring the tardy bell ringing in the halls, he slammed open the doors and headed toward his car. 

Twenty minutes later he was sitting on the hood of his El Camino up at lookout point. It had been an emotional couple of weeks, and he was exhausted. He wasn't used to dealing with all these emotions and feelings. 

__

The truth is that you can't let anything in because if you do then you'll have to face everything that you've been storing away. Hyde isn't a guy who has no emotions. He's a guy that's been hiding from them.

Jackie's words came rushing back to him. She'd called him out. She knew exactly what he'd been doing all these years. People didn't give Jackie the credit she deserved. She was a lot tougher than she looked. Out of all his friends, she was the only one with enough backbone to point out what was so obvious. 

There was a fierce determination about her that she applied to everything in her life. She never gave up. 

__

I know in my heart that the only person I want to fight for is you.

She was a fighter. Unlike him. 

__

Steven Hyde you are a coward.

You are a coward.

Coward.

Words kept rushing to his head. He could see and hear the heated words they'd spoken to each other. Over and over they repeated in his head, pounding at him until he opened up. 

She was wrong. He wasn't a coward. She was a liar. She didn't love him. Jackie would always be too wrapped up in Kelso to give her heart to anyone else. He knew that getting into this relationship. Why pretend it was anything else? Why pretend?

__

But all this pain and anger, just means that you really care about her. It means it's real.

Real.

Damn it. Why couldn't these memories leave him alone. So maybe he did care about her. He cared about mashed potatoes too, but he wasn't in love with them. Love wasn't a part of their relationship. It just wasn't. 

__

I think it's a real waste because I love you. 

I love you.

Love.

"No," he shouted to the empty woods. She didn't mean it. It was just words. They didn't mean anything. She'd told him she loved him a million times during her stalker phase, and she hadn't meant it. This was just like that. 

__

She really does love you. Do you think she'd be this upset if she didn't? Do you think you'd be this upset if you didn't? 

Donna's words slammed against him. Donna knew how she felt. Donna knew how he felt. Donna could see it. Why couldn't he? Why had he not seen how she felt?

Jackie's eyes came back to him. Her eyes wide with joy and delight when he'd shaved his beard for her. Her eyes hurt and pained when he'd broke up with her. Her eyes dead and empty at her house. It had been in her eyes all this time. He'd been staring at it all along, but had been too afraid to name it. Jackie loved him.

And what was more, he loved her. He could deny it all he wanted, but the truth was he loved Jackie Burkhardt.

He loved her. 

A weight lifted off his shoulders. He felt years of repression and lies lift away. It felt good to finally be able to admit it to himself. He loved her. 

But he didn't have her. She was lost. He was too late, and now she was gone. 

__

You've never backed down from Michael before. You've never been afraid to compete for what you want.

He heard Jackie's clear voice in his head. It was a challenge. She'd been challenging him to fight for her. The voices all started swarming together. Each shouting out louder than the last.

__

You're a coward.

I love you.

It's real.

I want to fight for. 

Compete for what you want.

He wanted Jackie. He wanted her back in his life. He wanted to hold her in his arms. He wanted to kiss her everyday. He wanted to make her problems go away. He wanted her.

With new determination and spirit, Hyde jumped back into his car. He drove toward home to win back what he wanted. 

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	8. Chapter Seven

What Could Have Been

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine...although I wouldn't mind owning a few of these guys.

Author's note: Red and Kitty finally make an appearance. Yeah!! I knew I'd be able to work them in somehow. T70S just wouldn't be the same without them. Hope you enjoy.

****************************************************************

Hyde was going to win Jackie back. There was only one problem. He had no idea how he was going to that. He wasn't sure, but he had this feeling that Jackie wasn't actually speaking to him at this moment. Getting her to listen to him long enough to make a difference was going to be a challenge. 

Then there was the fact that he didn't really know what to say. He'd admitted to himself that he was in love with her, but Hyde didn't think he was ready to start spouting declarations of love.

Realizing this about halfway up the walkway to Jackie's house, Hyde quickly retreated back to the Forman's. Now he was sitting in the kitchen munching on some homemade cookies debating on what to do next. He was coming up with nothing which kind of made it hard to debate.

At least the cookies were good.

Hearing the door open he looked up to see Kitty walking through the door. She was muttering to herself, and her hair was in slight disarray. Hyde couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard the words 'smug bastard' and 'ruin everything.' As she slammed her way around the kitchen, he quickly weighed the options of sneaking out the back door or just running for the basement door. 

Kitty looked up noticing him for the first time. She glared at him expectantly tapping her foot quickly against the floor. 

"Good afternoon Mrs. Forman," Hyde said with false cheer. 

"Good? You think its good?" Kitty growled in disbelief. "That's just so typical."

"Umm Ok." Hyde cursed himself for wasting time and not just dashing to the door when he first saw her come in. That should just become an instinct these days. 

Hyde's hopes that Kitty would just leave were dashed as she pulled up the chair next to him. "Do you know what that bastard on the weather channel said?" 

With resignation, Hyde shook his head. 

"He had to the nerve to say that its going to rain this weekend. THIS WEEKEND. I have a BBQ organized for all the employees at the hospital this weekend. How the HELL am I going to have a BBQ outside if its FREAKIN RAINING." She finished as usual, yelling. 

By now, Hyde knew better than to try and reason with her. The best coarse of action was just to agree with her and ride it out. He nodded slightly.

Kitty picked up her coffee cup and took a sip. "Smug bastard," she muttered.

Hyde shifted his eyes downward and drummed his fingers slightly on the table. He didn't need this right now. He was stressed about Jackie and really needed to figure out what he was going to do. He didn't have time to appease Mrs. Forman.

Kitty took several more sips of coffee before realizing that Steven looked kind of depressed. She wondered what the hell he had to be depressed about. He wasn't about to die. 

Then the sane part of her spoke up and calmed her down. Honestly she was beginning to think she'd developed multiple personalities these days. The mother part of her swung into full action when she noticed the time. It was still early. Hyde should still be at school. Reaching out she touched his hand. "Honey shouldn't you be at school?"

Hyde looked up into the eyes of woman he'd known all his life. Gone was the insane imposter. He shrugged. "I guess."

"Okay what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just didn't feel like staying." He raised his chin defiantly. 

Kitty tilted her head to the side and smiled. "Now don't try that with me Steven. A mother can always tell when something is wrong. Now what's the matter? Is it Jackie."

Hyde stared in disbelief. This woman was amazing when she wasn't insane. She just seemed to know everything. Giving in, he muttered a grime acknowledgement. 

Kitty patted his hand reassuringly. "Well why don't you tell me what's going on. I may be able to help. After all I'm a woman too." She laughed her familiar laugh.

Hyde didn't really want to talk to Mrs. Forman about this, but seeing as how he was at a loss he figured what the hell. "I don't know how to get Jackie to talk to me. I have to tell her some things, but I don't think she'll listen."

Kitty frowned. "I thought you weren't speaking to Jackie? I mean Eric said you broke up with her after the whole funeral incident."

"Well yeah. Things have kind of changed. She's upset with me now." Hyde chuckled. "Jackie seems to have that kind of power. She's used to being the angry one."

Kitty scowled. "Well that's just inexcusable. Honey you should just forget about her. She sounds insane. What you need is a nice stable girl who understands that you are a special boy."

Hyde raised his eyebrows and deliberated on what to say. At that moment Red entered the kitchen through the back door carrying two bags. Kitty stood up and glared at him. "Well hello Red. Did you manage to hear the weather report today?" she snapped.

Red shrugged his coat of his shoulders and held up his hands to pause her from continuing. "I did. And I know that you're upset about your BBQ so I stopped off at the store and got you this." He handed over one of the bags. 

Kitty stared suspiciously at him for a few moments before looking in the bad. Suddenly her face broke out into a huge smile as she produced two bottles of wine. Slightly bouncing with giddiness, Kitty clapped her hands together. "Oh you are just the most wonderful man." 

She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading to the living room. Pausing for a moment, she turned back around. "Oh Red would you help Steven? He's having some problems with Burkhardt girl who sounds a little crazy if you ask me."

Hyde couldn't help but grin. Noticing Red staring at him wiped his face clean though. "Hey Red."

"You don't want to talk about this do you? I already have one dumbass wanting to discuss his feelings all the time. I sure as hell don't need another."

"I can safely say that I don't want to talk about this."

"Good." Red sat down on the chair and grabbed a cookie. "For a moment there I thought you were going to pull an Eric. It's always feeling this and emotions that with him. But you're just like me. We don't have feelings." Red chuckled and pulled the paper out. 

Hyde reran Red's words through his head. That was exactly why he couldn't talk to Eric about this. Eric just didn't understand not being able to say the right thing. Eric was always able to talk his way out of things with Donna. Eric couldn't possibly help him because he was nothing like Hyde. But Red was. 

Hyde glanced over at Red. He didn't talk about his feelings. He wasn't a word kind of person. And yet he was in a happy relationship with a woman. How did he do it? How did he open up to Mrs. Forman.

Fearing an ass kicking but realizing that this might be his only shot, Hyde opened his mouth. "Hey Red?"

"Hmmm?" came the slightly annoyed voice from behind the paper.

Hyde took a deep breathe. "How did you tell Mrs. Forman that you love her?"

Red dropped the paper and stared at Hyde in shock. "What the hell did you just say?"

Hyde shifted nervously in his seat. He was beginning to feel like Eric. A feeling he didn't enjoy very much. "I can't figure out how to tell Jackie how I feel. I don't know what to say."

"Aww damn it," Red swore. Rubbing his forehead, he glanced at Hyde. The boy looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole. Sighing, he turned toward Hyde. "Look Steven. Do you love the girl?"

Hyde was beginning to regret this hastily made decision. "I guess," he shrugged before noticing Red's skeptical face. "Yeah I do. But I don't think I can tell her that. That's kind of the problem."

"I have loved Kitty for thirty years. I don't tell her very often because well I wasn't born a girl, but she knows I love her and that's what's important."

"Okay for girls that aren't blessed with psychic abilities, how do they know." Hyde quipped.

"Watch it smart ass." Red warned. "Guys like us don't express our emotions. We're men. We like action. I show Kitty how I feel everyday with my actions. Do you really think I wanted a dog? Or that I want to stop at the liquor store once, twice, three times a week? And I sure as hell don't want to go to some boring BBQ for a bunch of overpaid doctors. No I do it because I love her, and she knows that."

Hyde nodded taking it all in. He'd never thought about it in terms like that before. 

Red stood up from the table. "Tell Jackie how you feel by showing her." He grabbed another cookie and pointed at Hyde. "And if you ever talk to me about love again, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll be tasting my boot polish for a week."

Hyde grinned. "Right. Got it."

Red grabbed the remaining bag and starting walking to the living room. Looking down, he pulled a piece of paper out of the bag and turned back to Hyde. "Oh yeah. I found this in the trash can outside. Care to explain?"

Taking the paper from Red, Hyde realized it was the history quiz he'd thrown there yesterday afternoon. Staring down at the large red forty-two on it, he struggled with an explanation. "Oh its actually out of a fifty so you know its pretty good."

Red rolled his eyes. "I don't care what grades you get, but you better graduate because I am not feeding anymore kids after this year. This charity is closing." 

Storming out the door, Red left Hyde alone with his thoughts. Hyde crumbled the paper in his hands. "I should have stuffed it down to the bottom. I'm losing my touch," he muttered. 

Poised to throw it in the trashcan, Hyde paused. _Tell Jackie how you feel by showing her._ Red's words replayed in his head. He stared at the failed quiz and suddenly a large smile appeared on his face. After smoothing out the paper, he jumped up, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door. 

"Donna would you quit staring at me. If you want me to do your hair just ask. There's no need to gaze at mine."

Donna rolled her eyes. She'd met up with Jackie after school, and the two of them were now studying in her bedroom. Being stuck at Our Lady meant that Donna hadn't witnessed the new and improved Jackie at school. In fact when Eric had told her that Jackie was back at school making new deals with Satan, she hadn't believed him. It wasn't until Kelso had remarked that he was glad Jackie was back in her cheerleading often that Donna believed. 

So she'd arranged this little meeting to figure out what was going on. The last time Donna had seen Jackie, she been an utter mess. How did Jackie go from sobbing in an alley to running the squad in a couple of days? She needed a manual to keep up with Jackie's mood changes. 

"What happened last weekend Jackie?" Donna abruptly asked.

Jackie looked up slightly shocked. "What makes you think something happened?" she replied nonchalantly. 

"Oh come on. Look at you. You're dressed to kill. Where's the depressing girl who locked herself in her room for a week?"

"Well as much fun as that was." Jackie mocked.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're up and about. I'm just wondering if its for real or if we're all just watching the latest Jackie production."

Jackie was about to say something sarcastic and leave it at that, but then she noticed the concerned expression of her friends face. Donna had really been there for her last week when Jackie had needed her the most. She owed her an explanation. Donna obviously needed to live vicariously through her.

"Look Steven came over, and we talked. I just realized some things."

"Some things?" Donna questioned.

"I realized that our relationship had a lot more problems than my little slip of the lips. Steven is afraid to open up and just let me in. He's letting his past dictate his future. He was just waiting for an excuse to run away."

"So you calling Kelso your boyfriend was just an excuse?" Donna questioned skeptically. 

"Okay so it was a really good excuse," snapped Jackie.

Donna nodded taking it all in. "So what? You've decided that Hyde's all to blame?"

Jackie groaned in frustration. "No of course not. I suppose I could be found the tiniest bit to blame, but Steven's not willing to try. I can't change that."

Donna detected the sadness in Jackie's voice. There was a softness about her when she spoke about Hyde. A softness that betrayed her true feelings through the perfect outfit and immaculate makeup and hair. 

"So how are you really doing then?"

Jackie stood up and walked around the room rolling her neck in an attempt to work some tension out. Stopping in the middle, she turned to face Donna who was sitting on the bed. "Well I'm definitely not singing the hills are alive, but I'll be okay. The hard part is realizing that Steven's not going to come chasing after me to make things right. He's let go, and I have to as well." 

"I don't think that's the case." Donna said smirking.

"And why is that?" Jackie pondered. 

Donna pointed behind her. Jackie spun around on her heels and nearly fell over when she saw Steven standing at her doorway. Her mouth opened and closed several times before finally snapping closed. 

Hyde shifted from one foot to the other. She didn't look too mad. In fact she just looked shocked. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all. "Hey," he murmured.

Jackie quickly regained her composure. Crossing her arms across her chest, she glared at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Okay so maybe it wasn't going to be that easy.

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Okay next chapter is the last one. The grand finale if you will. We'll finally get to see if Jackie and Hyde get back together. 

Please review. I love hearing what you guys think. And its so easy. Just click that little button down there. 


	9. Chapter Eight

What Could Have Been

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Unless Danny is willing to become mine, I don't own a damn thing.

Author's Note: So for those of you who are actually still interested in this story after all this wait...sorry about that....here's the final chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

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Hyde watched the brunette in front of him tap her foot impatiently with her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest. Her gaze was penetrating, and he felt like he was back in school sitting in the principal's office. Except he cared what Jackie thought of him at the end of the day. A lot was riding on what he said next. He needed to find the perfect wording so she didn't run out the door. 

Donna watched Hyde stare at Jackie and wondered if he was going to actually speak sometime. If was hoping to win Jackie over by a smoldering stare, he was going to be sadly disappointed. It was going to take some heavy groveling to cool Jackie down much less win her over. Donna was beginning to think Hyde might not have it in him.

After several minutes of silence, Jackie snapped. "Today Steven. I'm not getting any younger."

"I need to talk to you." Hyde stumbled out. Well so much for finding the perfect phrase. 

"Well I'm right here. So talk."

Hyde glanced toward Donna. This was going to be hard enough without an audience. "Can we go somewhere private?"

"No."

Donna watched the two face off and quickly made a decision. She stood up and started walking toward the door. "I'm going to go ahead and leave. You two should talk."

Jackie held out her arm to stop her. "You don't have to go. He can say whatever crap he needs to say in front of you. I don't care."

"Yeah well I care. I really don't want to be here right now." Giving Jackie a squeeze on the arm and shooting Hyde a good luck look, Donna sprinted for the door.

The interruption gave Hyde a chance to catch his bearings. Turning back to Jackie who actually looked a little frightened to be left alone with Hyde. Without Donna her bravado had weakened. Inwardly Hyde smirked. He was back in control which is what he liked. 

Taking a couple steps toward her, Hyde removed his glasses so she could see his eyes. He knew how important that was to her, and he didn't want to hide anything from her right now. He wanted her to be able to see everything he was feeling.

Jackie took a few small steps backward trying to keep the distance between them. It was hard being around Hyde. It was confusing. Part of her badly wanted to run into his arms while another part just wanted to bolt out the door. All she knew for sure was that she needed to keep that space if she was going to be able to make kind of logical and rational decisions.

Hyde sensed her discomfort and stopped approaching. He didn't want her bailing on him. He held up his hands in a peace offering. 

"I just want to talk. That's all Jackie."

"Fine. I'm listening."

Hyde took a deep breathe and jumped right in. "You were right."

Jackie startled at his admission. In their entire friendship and relationship, she could count the number of times he'd said that on one hand. Hell she didn't even need the whole hand. Regaining her composure, she nodded. "Well of course I was. I'm always right. What am I right about again?"

Hyde smiled fondly. "When you said that I was a coward. You were right."

All the hostility disappeared from Jackie's face and was replaced with pure shock. She'd never in a million years thought that Hyde would ever admit that especially to her. 

Hyde noticed her dazed expression and slowly reached out his hand to touch her shoulder. He guided her to the bed where they say down. Jackie inched away from him so that he couldn't touch her anymore. Her shoulder still burned from his touch.

Realizing that Jackie wasn't going to be speaking anytime soon, Hyde continued. "I've been doing nothing but thinking since our fight. I kept telling myself that you were crazy. That this was all your fault."

Jackie opened her mouth to object, but Hyde held up his hand. 

"But I realized that I'd just been trying to convince myself of that so I could have an easy escape. See if its your fault then I don't have to worry about running away. I don't have to worry about all these scary steps that we've been taking."

Hyde ran his hands through his hair. Every sentence was a struggle. Every sentence choked in his throat. This didn't come natural to him at all. But Jackie deserved to know this. He needed her to know this.

"And then the thing with Kelso happened. I didn't know what to think. It's like I was looking down the end of this tunnel, and for the first time I could see myself getting hurt. Jackie, I make it a rule to never put myself in that position."

Jackie's eyes softened for the first time since he'd stepped through the door. It was odd hearing Hyde talk about emotions and feelings. She could see the struggle he was going through just getting it all out. It warmed her heart to know that he was making this effort for her.

Hyde couldn't believe that Jackie hadn't interrupted him yet. This had to be longest she'd ever been quiet around him. It was kind of freaking him out.

"So I ended it. I figured it was the easiest way to go. Get out before things get too serious. But then you had to go and tell me that you...well that you...umm how you feel." Hyde stumbled over the words.

Jackie smiled a real smile for the first time. No matter how much he tried, Hyde would always be Hyde. "I told you that I loved you."

"Right. That." Hyde stood up and walked around the room rubbing his palms together. "God Jackie that just made things so much harder. All I could think was how the hell did I get here? How the hell did I get to the point where some girl is declaring her love for me? And how did that girl become you? It was like I'd been sleeping since summer and just woke up."

Jackie stared sadly down at her lap. "So you realized that we were just a mistake that never should have happened?"

Hyde glanced over where Jackie was sitting on the bed. She looked so small and fragile. She also looked so beautiful. Walking over to stand in front of her, he crouched down to be eye level with her. "No not at all. Things between us just seemed to come so naturally I didn't even realize how far they'd gone. And that scared me. I'm used to controlling my situation. I'm used to knowing exactly how I got where I am, and where I want to go. This time I didn't."

Jackie looked deep into Hyde's eyes. They were clear as ice and deep as an ocean. She could get lost in those eyes. "So you ran?" she whispered.

"So I ran," he confirmed.

Jackie stood up and pushed past Hyde to clear her head. She'd figured most of this out on her own. Yet it all seemed so new coming from his mouth. He was afraid of committing, of getting too close, of admitting how he felt.

That was part of the problem though. Jackie didn't know how he felt. Normally she could tell how a guy felt about her. It was part of being a woman she supposed. Hyde was different though. Jackie used to think that he did feel something real for her. That perhaps he did love her. But after this mess she wasn't sure. Would he be this confused if he truly loved her? Wouldn't it just come naturally to him? Should love be this hard?

Squaring her shoulders, Jackie turned back to Hyde. This time she had determination in her eyes. Determination to find out the truth. She needed him to tell her how he felt.

"So you ran. What were you running from?"

Hyde raised his eyebrows in question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what kind of feelings where you running from? Was is lust, friendship, love? What was it Steven? I need to know."

Hyde ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Why did she have to ask him this? Why did she need to know so badly? He stared back in silence.

Jackie scoffed. "You can't say it can you? Why not? If you feel it why can't you just tell me?" Her voice was high and desperate at this point. Pain and hurt laced through words emphasizing each one. Tears sprung to her eyes.

"You're never going to be able to either. We'll always be stuck in this ambiguous place with nowhere to go. Because at the end of the day you chose cowardice. It's easier not to admit any feelings, its easier not to think about me, it's easier to just run away."

With tears dripping down her cheeks, Jackie turned to walk out the door in defeat. She'd thought that this was it. This was the moment that Hyde was going to let go of the past and look to the future. She was wrong it seemed.

Hyde jumped into action the moment Jackie moved. She wasn't going to get away this time. He had to make her understand. He had to get through to her. Reaching out he grabbed Jackie's shoulder and spun her around to face. She fought him slightly, but he clutched her tightly to his chest. "I have finished yet," he whispered in her ear. 

Reveling in his touch for a few moments, Jackie remembered the good times before gently pushing him away. "What's left?"

"I don't want to run away. I don't want you to run away. I just want...I mean I want...you need to." Frustrated Hyde shoved the piece of paper he'd been holding into her hand. "Look."

Jackie unfolded the paper and scanned it. It was a crumbled history quiz. A failed history quiz. She gazed back up at Hyde. "What's this?"

"It's my last quiz from history."

"Well I can see you're doing really well."

"Do you know why I did so badly?"

Jackie shrugged. "Because you where high?"

Hyde scowled. "No! Well actually yes, but that's not the reason. I failed because all I could think about was you. We'd just been to that stupid school rally, and you were there in your cheerleading outfit. I spent the entire class thinking about you and how hot you looked."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Steven everyone thinks that. That doesn't mean anything. And its not like you were scoring perfect grades before I came into the picture."

Inwardly, Hyde groaned when he realized this was not going to be that easy. Part of him had hoped that she'd just accept that and be done with it. It seemed he was going to have to pull out all the stops.

"Okay, but that's not all."

"There's more?"

Hyde nodded and held out his hand. "Yes. Give me the chance to prove it to you Jackie. Please.'

Jackie stared at his outstretched hand. Her head was telling her that there was nothing waiting for her other than some more quizzes. Her heart was telling her to give him a chance. Her heart won and her hand reached out to his.

********************************

Moments later they were standing beside his car which was parked outside the Forman's house. Jackie was tapping her foot impatiently, and Hyde was reaching for something in the back seat.

"Do you remember that night down by the lake when we were making out in the bed? You complained that the metal was too hard against your back."

"Well Steven it was like making out on concrete."

"Right. I remembered that the next time Mrs. Forman was doing laundry. So I stole this blanket and threw it in the back for the next time. We just never got around to going back."

Jackie reached out to grab hold of the soft yellow blanket. She'd never noticed that this was in the back. She'd made that comment offhand without expecting him to do anything about it.

"I didn't know that," she whispered.

Hyde shrugged. "Yeah well," he trailed off. A few moments of silence enveloped the two. Jackie was processing what this blanket meant and Hyde was contemplating his next move to the basement. Going to basement meant risking the gang. He really didn't want to deal with their inquiries. 

Finally deciding to just go for it, he grabbed Jackie's hand and started pulling her toward the house. If necessary he could take a moment to pound some ass if needed. Jackie did mention that he never used to be afraid of Kelso. It would be part of the proof.

The basement it turned out though was empty so an ass pounding wasn't in the cards for right now. All he was left with was an increasingly confused Jackie, and a bunch of crappy sentimental stuff to say. He decided he would have preferred to deal with the ass kicking.

Dragging her into his bedroom, Hyde settled her down on the bed. He closed the door just in case. Turning around to meet Jackie's expectant face, Hyde continued.

"Take a look around Jackie. Take a look at my bedroom. It's full of you."

Jackie gazed around the dark, cluttered room. It seemed highly insulting even though she was almost positive he hadn't meant it to be. "Umm it is?"

Hyde pointed toward the mirror in the back of the room. "You think that's for me? No I put that up after you starting spending so much time over here because I knew you'd want to check your appearance. You couldn't go out in public with mused hair and smeared lipstick. And I was right." A smirk appeared on his face.

Jackie folded her arms in a huff. "Well who doesn't have a mirror in their room?"

"Umm most guys."

"Whatever."

"And the bed you're sitting on."

Jackie glanced down questionably. "What about it?"

Hyde walked over and plunked down on it next to her. "Well if you remember Jackie. The first time you fell asleep in it, you noticed that it leaned to the left. You kept rolling into me every ten damn minutes and blaming it on the bed."

"Steven you can't tell me you didn't notice. I don't know how you didn't fall off the bed. I mean wasn't it better once you fixed..." he voice trailed off when she realized where this was going. 

Hyde nodded. "Exactly. I mean my life has completely changed since you entered it. I have to buy razors now because you don't like the beard. I have both a black and brown belt because you said I couldn't wear the black one with my brown boots. I'm showing up in school. I know the difference between hot rollers and styling wands. I can tell you exactly how you do your hair every morning."

Jackie's eyes started to water again. A small smile appeared on her face. Hyde reached out and grabbed hold of her hand. 

"I know I'm not all about the words when it comes to us, but that doesn't mean I don't care. And as far as not thinking about you, its just not true. I think about you all the time. Everything I do seems to revolve back to you."

Hyde let go for a moment to reach into his back pocket. Pulling out his wallet, he took out a piece of paper. "I carry you everywhere I go Jackie." 

Hyde held out a picture for her. Jackie tentatively grasped hold of it afraid it would disappear if she grabbed to hard. It was a picture of her from Thanksgiving. She wasn't looking at the camera, but at something to the left. Her face was content and happy. In fact she was glowing. Jackie remembered that she'd been staring at Hyde not even realizing that Kitty was snapping away. 

She looked up in wonder. "Where did you get this from?"

Hyde smiled. "I stole it from Mrs. Forman's photo album. It's my favorite."

"I was looking at you."

"I know. That's why its my favorite."

Jackie dropped the photo and reached out to touch Hyde's cheek. She was tentative at first, but soon placed her palm flat against it. Her thumb outlined his bottom lip slowly as if trying to remember.

Hyde closed his eyes at her caresses. It had seemed so long since her last touch. He reveled in it. Afraid to make a move, he just sat there waiting for her to continue. A few minutes later he felt soft skin pressed against his forehead. His eyes snapped open and stared into her wide open ones. They stayed that way for a long time. Not moving or talking, just staring. 

Finally Jackie broke into a wide smile. This felt right. He wasn't perfect, and he probably never would be. Declaration of love and sweet nothings might never come, but that was okay. He cared. He cared a lot. In fact he might just love her. 

"I've missed you," she whispered.

His hands reached up to cup her cheeks gently. His eyes closed, and he just breathed her in. "I've missed you too."

Then he leaned down and placed his lips on hers. It was soft and sweet. Everything that a first kiss should be. Everything that their last first kiss wasn't. This wasn't about lust or boredom. This was about love. His lips moved slowly against hers remembering and memorizing. He never wanted to forget this feeling. 

Jackie's heart fluttered at his tenderness and care. His embrace was warm and comforting. It was like coming home. Home wasn't in that huge empty house. Home was wherever he was. 

The kiss didn't deepen. That wasn't what this moment was about. This was about reconnecting. They broke apart slowly. 

Hyde ran his hands down her sides to grasp both of her hands. She'd understood. She'd forgiven him. She deserved to know the truth. She deserved to hear the truth. Taking a few deep breathes, he opened his mouth to speak.

"Jackie I want you to know that I ...well that I ..."

Jackie placed her fingers on his lips. "Ssssh. You'll say it when you're ready."

"So I'll get the chance?"

"You'll get the chance."

Hyde wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down on the bed. There the two stayed for the rest of the day. Just holding each other. Just grateful for the chance to hold each other.

************************************************************************

Okay so I lied. There is an epilogue coming. It's pretty short so it'll just be a couple of days. Please review and tell me whether you liked it or hated it. No review is unwanted. 


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